Chapter Text
“Remus!”
Lily was at the head of the crowd spilling into the infirmary that was already bustling with parents and guests from all of the schools. Headmaster Dumbledore subtly enlarged it twice by Remus’ count by the time his friends had made their way in.
But, it wasn’t only his friends.
Behind Lily Remus spotted James and his parents, Sirius with his cousins and their bright-haired daughter, and Cordelia Havershand. They all wore different versions of the same emotions across their faces; in different shapes and shades, they were relieved and elated.
Remus raised his tingly, bandaged hand in a wave with a dopey grin splitting his face. Poppy certainly knew how to mix a proper pain potion, he mused.
“Merlin! Your clothes smell like the rear end of a troll,” James groaned from behind his hands covering his nose. He flicked one of Remus’ socks covered in bog muck from where it lay in a bin by his bed.
“Oh, Remus we were terrified!” Lily carried on when she came up beside Remus where he reclined in his bed. Poppy had quickly ushered the champions into the showers and bed where she set their bones and flesh to rights with practiced efficiency. Remus smiled softly at her soft mutterings of disapproval for the entire affair.
“Children facing monsters for entertainment. Pah!” She’d spat while mending the gash upon Remus’ leg and checking his lungs for infection from the murky water. “They’re lucky I have enough restraint to avoid hexing the entirety of the ministry.”
Estella and Cornelius were as fuzzy around the eyes as Remus was throughout their time in the infirmary, although Remus noted they each looked a few years older, a bit sharper, forever changed.
“What was she like?” Fleamont Potter asked. His eyes shone like James’ when they were plotting.
“Smelly, as you can tell,” Remus explained and cast a conspiratorial glance James’ way. “She was enormous and mean. Caught my leg at the last second.”
They all gasped when Remus pulled back the blanket and turned his leg to show them the blood that covered his bandages over his still-healing wound. He was sure Poppy would be through at any moment to fret over the trio again and force them into bed rest, although Remus felt wide awake and strangely rejuvenated.
“You were marvelous, Remus,” offered Cordelia. She stood beside Ted Tonks, who was holding their little girl. “We couldn’t hear anything, but we could see over the top.”
“Thank you, “ Remus replied with a blush. “Thank you all for being here, and, um, yeah. I hope it wasn't too scary.” Remus said the last bit looking at the little girl nestled in Ted's arms, who giggled and turned her head into her father's neck.
“Well, I thought Sirius might crush my hand. He barely blinked the entire time you were in there.”
“Ted!” Andromeda swatted her husband's arm, ignoring his playful wink. “Please don't pay him any attention, Remus.”
Remus chuckled at the look on Sirius’ face. He looked rather fetching, Remus thought, with so much pink coloring his face.
“It's a pleasure to meet you,” Andromeda continued and stuck her smooth pale hand out for his own. They shared a look charged with understanding when he grasped her. It was one of promise, warning, and warmth that Remus believed extended to anyone she deemed worthy. Sirius let his eyes drop to Remus’ bandaged fingers, then back up again quickly. Remus did his best to subtly slip them beneath his blanket.
“We knew your parents. They would have been proud.”
Don't cry, Remus willed his ducts to obey. Hold it together. He cleared the emotion bubbling up in his throat with a cough to whisper a soft thanks.
“We're plenty proud of you ourselves, Remus!”
Good old Fleamont. With his disastrous hair and spectacles, he could never deny his paternity to James, not that he'd ever want to, apple of his eye and all.
“Yes, love,” Euphemia spoke up, “you were outstanding.”
“Alright, alright! Let the man breathe and rest up. We have some very responsible celebrating to get up to. Oi! Cornelius and Estella! Bring your friends to Gryffindor Tower tonight!”
“James!” Lily and Euphemia said at once making everyone fall into laughter.
“I don't know why she's surprised,” Fleamont whispered to Remus. “She was just as bad, if not worse, in school.”
Remus felt high on the magic of their company, even as his wounds throbbed and his head swam. He noticed Sirius beside Andromeda watching him closely, but his expression was guarded. His scent, however, made Remus even more dizzy. It was sweet and open and full of something else he’d never noticed before, something promising. Remus offered a coy smile and hoped Sirius could smell him through the funk of the bog coloring the infirmary. He knew his scent was just as welcoming.
“Remus,” Cordelia stepped around the crowd toward Remus beaming proudly at him. “Have fun celebrating tonight and owl me. I'll treat you and your friends in Hogsmeade next weekend.”
“Really? You don't have to, Cordelia. It's enough that you came at all!”
“Oh, please. I'd be delighted. I have to be off, but we'll be in touch.”
She rubbed his shoulder affectionately, then turned to the rest of his guests to offer farewells.
“I’ll see you at the ministry, Ted. Andromeda, Dora,” Cordelia nodded politely to each member of the Tonks house, then the Potters plus Lily, and swept out of the infirmary as the crowd parted for her.
“Dad says she’s high up in the aurors,” James offered when their guests began to talk amongst themselves. “Not bad at all, mate.”
Before Remus could respond to James, a light tinkling rang through the wing, much like the laughter of fairies Remus sometimes heard in the forest at dawn. It tickled the brain and managed to bring the ruckus back down enough for Dumbledore to sweep to the center of the room followed by Zenia and Katie.
“You will all be welcome to write and visit as the year progresses,” Headmaster Dumbledore added to quell the disappointment that rippled through the tent. “Well done, champions. You have impressed us all with your fortitude and creativity. This will surely be a tournament we will never forget.”
A round of applause rang through the white space, accompanied by cheering and laughter that made Remus feel like colors were dancing before his eyes. He leaned back into the bed despite himself, overcome with the falling adrenaline of the day. He was safe. They were all safe.
“We can meet you at the tower and have a sensible celebration,” Lily stated in her no-nonsense tone when James groaned. “I’m so proud of you, Remus. Truly. You were incredible.” There was a catch in her voice, but Lily Evans wouldn’t crack. She winked at him and ushered her friends out, followed by the adults with a round of lively conversation.
Sirius Black didn’t move. Remus wanted to reach out, to feel his hands again, or (better yet) his lips. If the scent filling his lungs was any indication, with his notes of strawberries and fresh mountain pine the brightest they’d ever been, Sirius surely wanted the same.
“Thank you for what you said before, Sirius,” Remus had meant to meet Sirius’ eyes, but he studied the white sheets covering his legs instead. He didn’t think he could handle those bright eyes just yet.
He startled just slightly at the briefest touch of his index finger under his chin.Then, the rest of his hand joined to cup Remus by the cheek when he looked up, despite the steadily dissipating crowd. Sirius was on fire. He was on fire from the inside out for Remus, in front of everyone left in the infirmary, and it made his breath come up short. There was no teasing in his heated look, no Black veil over his emotions. This was real and Remus wasn’t sure if he was ready.
“I meant it, Remus.” Simple as that, black and white with no grey. Sirius said it and that made it true in Remus’ heart. “And, just so you know, when those paddles of yours tripped you up in there, I thought I’d lose my mind.”
There it was. They would always find a way to be fools together, Remus thought. Always was a long time. A very long time if he could convince fate to allow it.
Remus breathed out a laugh. “They helped in the end. Got me through the muck faster.”
Remus grasped Sirius at the wrist lightly, holding on like he was lost at sea. “Will you come to the party? We could talk after if you want? I just need to sneak out of here once Poppy goes to bed.”
Sirius looked over Remus’ shoulder with a lopsided grin. Remus turned to follow his line of sight and caught Estella introducing Mary to her parents. They had appeared so stately from the stands, but embraced his friend like any parents. It was heartening, it made Remus feel full to bursting.
“I think we all have things to celebrate tonight.” Sirius’ lips curled into a warm smile. His grey eyes sparkled when he lifted them to meet Remus. “I’ll be there if you’re sure?”
Remus couldn’t find the words to tell Sirius how sure he was, how fundamentally he needed him there that night, every night maybe. The days as well. He settled for a quick nod and smile, not even paying attention to the shades of rose spreading over his cheeks. Just as Sirius looked like he might lean in and do the unthinkable before a small crowd again, there was the distinct voice of one Mediwitch cutting through their bubble.
“It is time for rest, I’m afraid. Off with you, Sirius Black.”
There was no room for argument judging by her raised eyebrows, so Sirius acquiesced with a nod.
“See you later, champion,” Sirius offered with that same twinkling lighting him up from the inside out. Remus laughed softly, lifting a hand to wave rather than speak.
It was strange to feel so good after a lifetime of waiting for the other shoe to drop, he thought as he laid back in the cot to wait out the rest of the fading light. Remus had become so accustomed to pain and terror that a day ending with triumph felt misplaced. Perhaps he was dreaming, he wondered? A pinch dispelled that thought.
He looked to his left where Estella was bidding Mary goodbye. His friend walked over to give him a fleeting hug and kiss to the cheek, then rushed out hiding a grin of her own with her scent reaching all new heights of excitement and affection. It was intoxicating to Remus, being surrounded by so many good feelings that filled the air, but not so distracting that he missed the feeling emanating from Cornelius across the aisle. The other boy was laying down on his side quite still, save for the rising of his chest and his left hand fiddling with his sheet. Remus hadn’t noticed parents, or anyone who appeared to be a guardian, with Cornelius. Only his headmaster and Luke were by his side to begin with, until solely Luke remained smiling and talking to Cornelius who appeared somber.
Remus wondered if not being first for this challenge put Cornelius in trouble with his school’s leader. The grim-faced man said little, but his body language spoke volumes. He loomed over Cornelius, face grim and hands flexing. The sight sent a familiar shiver down Remus’ spine.
“Cornelius?” Remus whispered loud enough for the other boy to hear him in the growing quiet. Remus took note of the way Cornelius sighed, then sat up to look at him. He smiled, but Remus could tell it didn’t come easily by the way his lips wobbled.
“Well done, Remus. Well done to you as well, Estella,” he offered to the two of them.
“Thank you, Cornelius.” Estella replied with a crack in her voice. Her bruises and cuts were healing, but she looked just as exhausted as Remus had felt until he was surrounded by his friends.
“Thanks. You as well,” Remus also offered. Remus wavered for a moment, wondering if what he wanted to ask was a bad idea. Cornelius was happy in nature, almost comically so at times, but he hadn’t revealed much beneath that shiny smile and easy nature. Remus, however, didn’t think anyone who thought they had to be happy every minute of every day could sustain that kind of existence. The world wouldn’t allow it. But maybe, Remus thought, a chance to be messy out of sight was just what Cornelius needed. Settling on that, he pushed forth.
“Do you two want to come to a party in the Gryffindor Tower? I can get us back here before morning. They all want to celebrate. It might be nice and we can get your classmates if you like?”
Estella looked from Remus to Cornelius, but his face was unreadable. She turned away to nod to Remus with a grin and started getting up to gather her spare clothes. Yet, Cornelius merely laid back down.
“I will stay here. I’ll tell your school’s healer that you two have merely visited the facilities should she ask. Enjoy yourselves.”
“What?” Remus asked, somewhat perplexed. He cringed and looked around to see if Poppy had returned, but the coast was clear. He climbed out of his own bed and limped quickly over to Cornelius, who was resolutely not looking at Remus.
“I do not feel like celebrating, Remus,” Cornelius whispered low enough for Estella to not hear as she readied herself slowly. “You have earned a celebration. I have not.”
Remus understood at once what the problem was. It was the same thing they all had to deal with, in different shades and shapes.
“He’s full of sh*t, Cornelius.” Remus sat down next to Cornelius, politely disregarding the way the other boy shifted out of reach ever so subtly.
“I do not know what you are talking about.”
The way he mumbled wasn’t in the slightest bit believable. Remus frowned at Cornelius’ words, at the blush spreading over his neck. He hated to see the way the usually unphased boy looked like a kicked pup in an alley. Remus let out a frustrated sigh, not at Cornelius but at the thought of anyone making him feel the way he was so obviously feeling.
“You survived, Cornelius. We all did. That’s something worth celebrating to me. Please, will you come? I promise it will make you feel better.”
“How do you know that?” Cornelius, for the first time in front of Remus, sounded like a teenager rather than a measured adult. So, with his calmest and most gentle smile, Remus answered:
“Every girl here is going to want to dance with you. That might make you feel better. Right?”
He reached a hand out to Cornelius carefully, moving at a snail’s pace to give him enough time to pull away again if he needed to. But, Cornelius stayed still on his bed. His eyes, however, traced a path from Remus’ hand to his amber eyes.
“You deserve to be happy, Cornelius. My friends taught me that. So, don’t stay here and let him win, ok? Your headmaster is full of sh*t.”
“Would…” Cornelius swallowed as though pained. “Would you want to dance with me?”
Remus hadn’t expected that, though he thought belatedly he should have. He should have been prepared so as not to hesitate, to keep his eyes from widening, to keep himself from blushing. Instead, he faltered. Remus wasn’t a fool; he could feel something, could smell it, but his heart was already spoken for. It had been for years, regardless of the haughty attitude of the one he wanted. There was only one dance partner for him, for as long as he could have him. But Remus froze.
“Are you two ready?”
Estella shook them out of the reverie with a careless flip of her ebony hair. She was dressed in more casual clothes to accommodate her injuries, but Remus noticed she’d applied a bit of makeup for the occasion. He looked at his own shabby loose clothing and knew his hair looked a mess, but he didn’t care. Sirius was waiting. However, so was Cornelius it seemed.
“Come on, Cornelius,” Remus said with no room for argument. “We’re all going and if you try to fight, I’ll send Lily down here.”
With a final sigh that hid the hurt he felt below the burgeoning hope, Cornelius got up and put on his clothes.
***
Remus, Cornelius, and Estella navigated the hallway as quietly as they could with their tired muscles and aching bones, all vibrating with a renewed influx of adrenaline. Cornelius, who had been so somber in his bed alone, held onto Remus’ shoulder as they snuck through the hallways single-file. Remus wondered if Filch was simply taking a night off after all of the action, or if the professors and headmasters had asked him to turn a blind eye to the Gryffindor tower. Regardless, Remus let out a breath of utter relief when he made it through the portrait hole and was instantly assailed by booming music and cheering.
A cloud of pixie dust exploded upon their entry in shades of blue, red, and black for each school. It looked a bit like a proper war-zone, but Remus couldn’t be bothered. He smiled and laughed like a madman when the trio was pulled into the common room that was hung with glittering gold tinsel, and floating lights strobed around as though they were in a muggle club from a film.
“RE-MUS, LU-PIN, RE-MUS, LU-PIN!” The Gryffindors chanted, like a chorus of manic leprechauns drunk on a bit of butterbeer. They were led by Frank Longbottom who stood with his girlfriend Alice on his shoulders, arms waving and younger students following in. The room was littered with trays of food, discarded candy wrappers, and cups of liquor Remus knew had been brought in under cover of invisibility. It was the most lively he’d seen everyone in weeks, which was a welcome change.
Remus was quickly assailed by curly hair and roses when Mary floated over and wrapped both arms around him and Estella, while Luke came up behind Cornelius to lift him up bridal style to the cheers of the crowd.
“Come on, Corny! Let’s turn that frown upside down!”
Remus laughed at Cornelius’ blooming blush and the way he fought not to smile as he was carried off. The accompanying Durmstrang students were vastly outnumbered, no doubt too afraid of their headmaster to risk it, however those there were in high spirits as they surrounded their champion with a round of applause.
Mary pulled Remus and Estella into a crowd of Gryffindors, French students talking one thousand miles per minute, and Sirius sandwiched between Lily and James. They conspicuously stepped away from Sirius before Remus reached them, however he guessed by the smug look on James’ face and the calm look on Lily’s that Sirius had been warned not to break his heart.
“You lot sure know how to plan a party,” Remus offered over the noise of the music and talking. The younger students were all dancing in the center of the room and passing around what Remus suspected were drinks they couldn’t handle, all alive and full of excitement. It was infectious.
“Well, we can’t take all of the credit. Luke and a few Beauxbatons girls helped. They have an eye for what’s perfect,” Mary added with a look at Estella.
“It’s what we needed after today,” Remus noted while he surveyed the different groups starting to bleed together as the music shifted to more pulsating bouncing. Cornelius and Luke were talking to a pair of girls from sixth year, who kept twirling their hair and smiling through their eyelashes. Even Peter was dancing awkwardly next to Dorcas and Marlene, only just missing their toes on the down beats.
“Cheers to that,” James said, then levitated a tray of drinks their direction. “I think we’ve got a few hours until Dumbledore sets Filch aloose. Want to dance, Ev –”
“Lily, do you want to cut a rug with me? None of these other girls look like they have enough rhythm to keep up.”
Luke spoke from behind Remus so clearly that it was like a bit of glass had come down firmly between Lily and the rest of the world. Remus and the rest of them looked from him, to Lily, and then to James, who clenched his jaw but showed no other sign of frustration. A small pit formed in Remus while he watched as his friend chewed her lip, not looking at James at all, but at Luke with a mixture of apprehension and interest. Remus knew though, by her lifting scent, that there was no hope for James anymore.
“What makes you think you can keep up with me?” Lily challenged. There was no edge to her voice, yet Remus knew it was a challenge that Luke would have to rise to meet if he wanted to have her. He chuckled softly at her question, with his light eyes glittering like the tinsel hanging above.
“In all fairness, I don’t think I can,” Luke conceded with a hearty chuckle. “But I’d never forgive myself if I don’t try. I’ll give you everything I’ve got for as long as you’ll have me. So, what do ya say?”
Merlin f*ck, he is smooth, Remus thought. He watched as Lily’s walls slid away and she smiled with a long-suffering shake of her sunrise-hued head.
“So dramatic,” she muttered almost fondly. Then, she reached for Luke and confidently led him to their impromptu dance floor. Estella and Mary followed, leaving Remus with James and Sirius.
“Um,excuse me… Remus?”
He turned with a start when a girl he recognized as a fifth year tapped his shoulder. She wore square spectacles and her hair was in two large braids hanging to her waist. The poor girl was wringing her hands together while she looked up to Remus.
“Hi,” Remus offered, a bit confused when she turned to a group of similarly young and bookish girls throwing her thumbs up from across the room.
“Hi,” she squeaked. “Um, would you like to dance with me?”
“Oh! Uhh,” Remus turned to James in time to see the bastard had already forgotten to be broken over Lily, because he was laughing into Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius, for his part, was attempting to look unphased at it all.
“I’m not a very good dancer, and I hurt my leg in the tournament. I’m sorry,” he rushed to add when the girl’s face fell.
“I see. Well, you did quite well.”
Remus might have groaned aloud at the nagging in the back of his heart. The girl looked about ready to cry, and Remus hated seeing that over him.
“Wait, what’s your name?”
“Me?” She looked back up from her plain brown shoes in shock. Remus nodded slowly, wondering who else she thought he could mean, but shook off the urge to be rude. “M-Magda Periwinkle.”
“Alright, Magda. I’m sure I can manage one dance, but you have to promise not to complain when I step on your toes. Deal?”
Remus had never really seen anyone go from crestfallen to elated so comically fast as he did when Magda Periwinkle’s face rolled back up from near-tears to celebratory. She whipped her head to her friends to return a thumbs up, her braids swinging, and pulled Remus to the dance floor beside Lily and Luke. He looked back at James Potter, who was fully doubled over in laughter, and Sirius who was also now laughing behind his fist.
“Magda, do you think your friends want to dance as well?” Remus asked innocently.
“Oh, yes! They’d love to!”
And just like that, the boys were all stood back to back while three very excited girls jumped about them like human sacrifices.
“You are going to pay for this, Lupin,” Sirius grumbled when Magda’s friend threw her arms around his shoulders. He growled lowly and spun the girl around before quickly switching with James, whose dance partner was far less handsy.
“Is that so?” Remus teased. Magda’s braids had been hitting him in the face for the majority of the dance, but nothing could stop his laughter.
“This is not how I expected to spend this night,” Sirius groaned when his new partner grabbed onto his hips. Sirius gently prised her fingers away and switched back to the first girl.
Remus leaned over, hoping Sirius’ canine-heightened hearing would work when the room was loud and his mood was sour.
“I think I can make it up to you, if you’re interested?”
Sirius relaxed only marginally and grabbed ahold of Remus’ hand.
Bingo.
“He’s all yours, ladies!” Sirius declared with a devilish look at James. “I’m going to get our champion a drink.”
He spoke so smoothly that Remus felt his blood begin to speed up.
“Oh, Circe’s tit*! Oi, don’t leave me alone, you bastards! They’re so strong,” James whimpered.
Remus just barely caught the moment James was tackled by the trio and the room descended into outright hoots and clapping. Thankfully, Dorcas managed to pull him out. He did, however, miss the smug look that passed over James’ features. The next phase of James Potter’s plan was well into effect.
Sirius dragged Remus over to the only space not being occupied by snogging teens and groups of friends laughing. He saw a flash of short auburn hair, but didn’t pay much attention to Cornelius between the bodies milling about. Instead, Remus focused entirely on the person he was always looking at, for better or worse.
Sirius’ face was covered in a light dusting of glitter from the pixie dust, lending his already ethereal visage a new level of magic.
“Can we go to that place you took me, on the seventh floor?” Remus asked hopefully.
Sirius’ eyebrows shot up. He looked around the room for a moment, then back to Remus with a determined set of his jaw. Remus loved that look most of all, he realized. It was how Sirius looked when nothing was going to get in his way.
“Do you think we can make it unseen?” Sirius asked, but Remus wasn’t fooled. He knew Sirius was testing him now.
“Yes, especially with everyone here.” Remus cringed at how desperate he sounded in his own ears.
However,the embarrassment melted away when Sirius again took hold of Remus’ bandaged hand, holding gently, and led him back out into the school and towards what Remus already considered their place.
It was deathly quiet in the dark hallways, with wind whistling outside and owls hooting to one another under the light of the moon. It was growing toward full again, but Remus didn’t feel anything but excited when Sirius pushed him behind a pillar at the sound of footsteps. They waited until the sound receded,breathing into each other, eyes on lips and hands tangled. Then, just as Remus was about to chance a kiss, Sirius motioned for them to continue on. Remus was too afraid to speak, not for being found, but for potentially making Sirius snap out of it. What if he changed his mind? What if he didn’t? Remus wondered what Sirius would think if he himself suddenly got scared.
He worried himself back and forth until they arrived at the spot.
“You pick this time,” Sirius directed in hushed tones. “Anything you like, it should do.”
Remus nodded, going through his mind for a place that felt comfortable, but also inviting. They paced back and forth together until the door appeared and rushed inside.
“Woah,” Sirius gasped and Remus felt just about the same.
Before them was a beautiful room in the style of a Turkish souk, with rich burgundy carpets and pillows lining the floor. Golden thread made each piece of furniture glitter under the finely made lanterns floating through the air. There was incense filling the space with a haze, and a soft fire burning at the far wall. Upon the low tables were trays of treats and goblets of water twinkling invitingly.
Sirius stepped into the room first, running his finger along a lantern suspended near his head with a look of wonder lighting up his pale features.
“Remus Lupin, are you trying to romance me?”
“I read about a place like this once and always thought it sounded peaceful. After today, I just wanted to relax a bit.” Remus explained to Sirius, who was still looking around wide-eyed.
He felt a knot he hadn’t realized was tangled in his chest loosen when Sirius turned back to him smiling excitedly.
“It’s perfect, Remus. Should we sit here?” He gestured toward a table lined with sweets and flowers, surrounded by low couches.
“Sure,” Remus whispered, suddenly feeling shy. He wanted his legs to move, but felt like he was stuck in the spot, watching Sirius step into a place that felt like fantasy. Was it real? Was this happening?
“Remus? Are you alright?” Sirius, ever perceptive, crossed back over with worry clouding his face to take hold of Remus’ hands. He tenderly rubbed his thumbs over the gauze, steadily watching Remus who was warring with himself.
“The witch had a silver shield. I had to grab it to get out,” Remus explained as though in a daze. “I was so scared, but you were right. Leaning into what I am helped me, even when it hurt me,” he added looking at his own damaged hands held in Sirius’.
“You were so brave, Remus. I was scared the whole time,” Sirius offered on a shaky breath.
“I’m sorry,” Remus muttered.
“No, it’s nothing to apologize about,” Sirius hastened to add. “I was scared because I thought maybe kissing and all that would make you …”
Sirius rocked from one foot to the other, toying with the gauze and chewing the inside of his cheek.
“Make me what?” Remus gripped Sirius’ hands back encouragingly.
He co*cked his head to the side, his brown curls falling over his eyes. They’d grown so long in the last few months, but Remus hadn’t been bothered to think about anything else but surviving. Now, things were becoming more sharpened in his perception. He saw clearly that James had to move on from Lily, because she’d met her true match, no matter what the years would bring. He himself was stronger than his years with his uncle had led him to believe, and Sirius, Remus realized, when the other man lifted his eyes to meet him, was terrified, too.
“I thought thinking about me, about us, might make you weak,” Sirius answered, the honesty of it landing between them like another person, the one who hurt him perhaps.
“Hmm,” Remus hummed in understanding.
Remus pulled his hands away from Sirius and set about unraveling the bandages hiding the remnants of the scars left by the silver. His palms were healed, thanks to his nature, but the thin line of the scar would never fade. Remus studied his palms. It was fitting that the line cut across his life line; the scare was not ending it but choosing a new path. Remus reached for Sirius again without the barrier of the wrapping so that he could fully feel that wondrous warmth and share a bit of his own. Sirius took hold without delay.
“I think it made me stronger, Sirius. Nothing mattered more than getting back to you and the others. I’ve always cared for my friends and watched you more than is attractive to hear,” he chuckled and made Sirius grin. “Now, I see how love makes us stronger.”
“Love?” Sirius whipped his head up with brow furrowed and mouth agape.
Oh, f*ck.
“I,uh… I only meant,” Remus tried to take his hands back and step away, but Sirius was too strong. His pull, the gravity he created that tied Remus to him, wouldn’t be escaped now, or maybe ever. Remus tried to avoid looking at Sirius in his shame, turning his eyes to the fire, the pillows, the tapestries, anywhere but the grey that smoldered before him.
“Remus, look at me, please?” His voice was gentle, too tender, as though he meant to let Remus down with care. He couldn’t handle that, could he? Remus swallowed down ash, but did as Sirius bade him. He met Sirius bravely, although he felt his air leave at the hard look in Sirius’ eyes.
“It’s… I’m sorry, Sirius. I know this is new. You don’t have to say anything,” Remus rambled desperately.
“I love you, Remus,” Sirius declared with his chest puffed and his body thrumming. Remus felt his knees buckle. “I have since I first saw you. You’re the most breathtaking person I’ve ever seen, especially now covered in this ridiculous pixie dust like an angel.”
Remus’ neck almost broke with the force of pulling back and up to look at his partner.
“What?”
Sirius looked like a man on a mission when he slid his hands up Remus’ arms and shoulders to his neck. He rested his burning palms gently upon Remus, then leaned in to capture Remus’ lips with his own, not waiting for Remus to catch up. Sirius kissed him once, pulled back to look at Remus, to really take him in, then pulled him forward into the sturdiness of his body, swallowing Remus’ moan and cradling his head like a precious jewel.
That was what it was supposed to feel like, Remus realized, just like in the tent. It was burning blood and swirling bellies, and desperately heated hands. It was all Remus could think of with Sirius’ softness enveloping his senses. There was no room for doubt. He smelled strawberries and the forest, a burning fire and the coming rain. He felt his own blood erupt with liquid gold, pulsing down and out and in until he was nothing more than a monument to the moment.
With a bit of effort, for he didn’t want it to end but needed to be certain, Remus pulled back enough to talk.
“Do you mean it? You better f*cking mean it, Sirius.”
Rather than answer, Sirius smirked as he slid his hands back down over the muscles of Remus’ slender back as though running his fingers over silk. Remus bit back a gasp at the sensation of Sirius’ long fingers touching every notch of his spine, cataloging his bones and muscles and nerves with the dedication of an art master. Remus felt his body open up from toes to head with each loving touch and the look on Sirius’ face. He was looking at Remus reverently, and a bit mystified, like he couldn’t believe it was happening either. Sirius’ hands caressed Remus’ back all the way down to his ass and when he squeezed, Remus feared he might finish before they got out of their clothes.
He moaned and dropped his head to Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius hummed in approval, then dropped his mouth to Remus’ ear.
“Let me show you?” He asked, and his breathy voice let Remus know they were both teetering close to a precipice.
Remus could only nod into the bones and muscles of Sirius’ shoulder. He worried his voice would fail. Sirius nuzzled his neck, dropping a kiss and a lick, then a painless bite that made Remus nearly leap out of his skin in anticipation.
“Oh, Sirius,” he moaned. His skin was on fire where those determined lips and nimble fingers touched him.
Sirius let out a low growl at the desperation of Remus’ voice. He lifted Remus from the ground without so much as a huff of discomfort, Remus’ ass held firmly in his palms. Remus wrapped his legs around Sirius’ waist, his arms around Sirius’ neck to hold on with what strength he had left. He trusted Sirius to set him down safely. He realized, in fact, he trusted Sirius without any qualifiers. He was his now.
“I’ve got you,” Sirius groaned before kissing Remus again hungrily, their lips smacking frantically and with clear intention. Remus sucked on Sirius tongue, imagining he could keep a bit of Sirius with him after this was over, in the very pit of his being. It was Sirius’ turn to moan deeply. He dug his fingers into Remus for purchase, stumbling toward the table until Sirius bumped into it, making Remus pull away to giggle in surprise.
He held on tight when Sirius let go with one hand to push the flowers and food to the side for them. It sent a thrill through Remus to know Sirius was as affected as he was. He sighed with relief when Sirius lowered him down, only far enough away to do what they both needed. Sirius brought his lips back to Remus, slipping his tongue back into Remus’ mouth and retreating when Remus returned the favor.
Remus couldn’t seem to stop kissing Sirius back, delighting in how far this was from his wildest dreams. They were kissing and touching! He was holding Sirius and Sirius was holding him like his life depended on it.
Sirius stood between Remus’ legs, kissing him with both hands running through Remus’ curls, down over his ears, to his neck and back again, taking in as much of the feel of his body as possible. Explosions danced over each inch of flesh, leaving burning trails behind. Another part of him was ignited as soon as Sirius thrusted forward, dragging his burning co*ck across Remus’ own through their trousers.
“f*ck, Remus. You’re so beautiful,” Sirius groaned like the thought could barrel him over.
Remus held fast to Sirius’ shirt, terrified of letting him go, of not having an anchor as he was pulled apart by pleasure. Their touches were growing harder and faster, both pulling at clothes with clear want. Remus pulled Sirius down as he laid back on the table, wanting to be blanketed by him, to feel and see nothing else but what they were doing. Sirius went willingly, covering Remus’ chest with his own. Salty sweet sweat dripped from Sirius onto Remus, cooling him where it rolled onto the table.
“Remus, I can’t, I have to,” Sirius tried to speak, but wouldn’t stop kissing Remus enough to form a coherent sentence.
“Sirius,” Remus moaned again, the name the only thought he could form. “Don’t stop. Don’t go.”
“I’m here,” Sirius answered with a roll of his hips and Remus thought he never wanted that sensation to stop. He once again felt the bulge in Sirius’ pants, just as firm as his own, and reached with his scarred hands toward the buckle and zipper of Sirius’ trousers. He kissed Sirius frantically, tongue running over his lips, teeth nipping, and breathing a desperate panting. He couldn’t focus on the trousers when he needed to kiss Sirius and taste him everywhere.
“Merlin,” Sirius ground out “… Here, let me.”
Remus pulled his hands away to feel Sirius’ hair, sinking his fingers in and lightly pulling. Sirius’ answering grunt made Remus want to devour him whole. His dark hair was soft even as it was mussed by Remus stroking and gently tugging his head back in for a kiss. He released Sirius’ hair to touch his face and neck with the same need Sirius had.
Sirius pushed off the table to stand again, only just out of Remus’ reach enough to quickly unbuckle and unzip his trousers. He reached forward, but stopped to ask with a look if Remus was sure.
“Yes, please,” Remus begged. He thrust upwards to drive the point home, making Sirius moan again when the proof of his desire brushed his hands. Sirius’ co*ck jumped visibly in his pants. Remus, feeling cheeky, begged again, “Please, please, Sirius.”
Remus felt intoxicated by the power of Sirius’ desire for him; he never could have dreamed they would fall together like two broken shards, stitched back together in gold. That was what it was, Remus thought absently. They were healed together. They belonged to one another.
“I want to feel you, Sirius. I need to feel you,” Remus crooned desperately. He was beyond cheekiness. He felt close to falling apart all together.
Sirius yanked out his co*ck and grasped the base with a shudder. He leaned forward, gripping Remus’ leg for purchase, breathing slowly and deeply to get himself back under control. Remus, for his part, felt his mouth drop at the look of it. It was beautiful just like Sirius and very interested in Remus judging by the way he leaked and stained the leg of Remus’ pants. He reached for his own trousers to unclasp and push down, lifting his hips and sliding out his own member.
Remus watched Sirius looking at him. His grey eyes had gone black with passion, his skin flushed and glowing. He stared at Remus’ co*ck with a hunger that made Remus blush. Then, without warning, Sirius let go of his co*ck and grabbed Remus under his knees to yank him to the edge of the table. Remus cried out in surprise when Sirius made him wrap his legs back around his waist. With one hand, Sirius took hold of Remus, making him moan even louder and his head fell back with a thud onto the table beneath him.
“That’s it,” Sirius groaned. “Let me hear you, Remus.”
“f*ck, Sirius. Oh god,” Remus whimpered at the sensation of someone else, of Sirius, touching him that way. Their heartbeats were in sync through hand and co*ck, pulsing at the same frantic pace. Sirius’ long fingers were scorching hot as he held onto Remus’ co*ck in a firm grip. Sirius stroked him up and down again experimentally, marveling at the contrast of flesh. He licked and bit his bottom lip in clear delight at the way Remus writhed beneath his touch. He thrust forward absentmindedly as he stroked Remus, but it wasn’t quite enough. They needed something, Remus thought, and the room filled in the gap. A bowl of viscous liquid appeared next to Remus’ hip like air moving through the room, glistening invitingly for them. Without missing a beat, or even blinking, Sirius dipped his fingers into the bowl. He went back to Remus gently, not too tight nor fast, determined to make him feel good.
“How’s that?” Sirius asked and Remus wondered at how soft Sirius sounded doing something so filthy.
“Amazing,” Remus slurred, eyes slipping shut.
He did it with ease, Remus thought. Sirius twisted his fist firmly down and back up, teasing the head of Remus’ co*ck like he was born to make him insane. But Remus didn’t want to get off yet, not without Sirius. He wanted to do the same for Sirius, to make him come apart with him. He let go of the edge of the table he’d been holding onto to get a bit of the lubricant for himself and took hold of Sirius’ velvety member, pulling a shout of delight from his partner. It was so obscene it made Remus’ body melt and reform to fit what they were making.
“Remus, don’t stop,” Sirius whimpered and stuttered in his own stroking of Remus.
Though it pained him to stop, Remus released Sirius so that he could scooch forward more. He laid so that their co*cks were lined up, and carefully brought them together to hold in his hand, barely wide enough to hold them, but he wouldn’t let go, not when Sirius shook and moaned the way he was. Sirius dropped forward with both hands on the table to let Remus hold them and began thrusting into Remus’ grip upon them, making the plates and vases that remained rattle around Remus’ head.
“Oh, God!” Remus hardly recognized the sound of his own voice in his ears echoing through the room.
Remus held fast to their throbbing co*cks joined in his right hand and gripped onto Sirius’s thigh with his sticky left to follow the sensation to heights he’d never experienced before. They were perfectly in sync, rocking back and forth to a chorus of grunts, moans, and the squelching of their joined bodies. Sirius fought to keep his eyes from falling closed as he rocked them, groaning and swearing the closer they got to that explosion Remus was craving.
“Remus… Oh, oh f*ck!”
Sirius’ eyes were so dark that Remus wondered if he was even still there in his body.
“Sirius, I’m so close,” Remus wailed without shame.
He wanted Sirius to know. He wanted him to feel it in his very spirit and never forget it after they were finished. Remus held on tighter and began lifting his hips to meet Sirius’ thrusts as passionately as his body wanted him to. Sweat dripped from Sirius, pooling all around them and mingling with Remus’ own. Their sliding co*cks were smooth and white-hot in Remus’ hand, moving so quickly he couldn’t tell either apart anymore.
“Remus, Remus,” Sirius moaned out, like it was the only thing he could focus on, a light guiding him forward.
“You’re going to make me come, Sirius,” Remus warned when the coil pulled toward snapping. He felt it in his toes first, then his shins, and finally at the base of his co*ck until he exploded all over his partner with a cry that echoed through the room.
“Oh f*ck, oh f*ck…Remus!” Sirius panted until he, too, let go and came all over Remus’ stomach and chest, staining his shirt that they hadn’t even managed to take off in their haste. Sirius groaned and shook as he came and scratched the table with his nails like something beautiful and wild, rippling into Remus’ spirit through the haze.
Remus carefully let go of their softening members, marveling at what they’d just done together, for each other. He felt different somehow, more complete, more like himself in front of Sirius, despite laying atop a table covered in cum. Remus thought he’d never been more at peace before and wondered if it would always be that way, if they would feel so good every time they were together.
Sirius swayed on his feet for a moment, laboring to get his breathing to slow down. Remus felt his heart soar when Sirius finally managed to look up and slowly grinned at him the way he had after their first kiss, like he’d cleared a hurdle and won the race. It made Remus want to cheer. Instead, he sat up and leaned forward to offer a less frantic, but no less meaningful, kiss to Sirius. The kiss was readily returned with a happy sigh that was so unlike the Sirius Remus knew even before this year.
Then, Sirius stepped back enough to pull out his wand and utter a cleaning spell that left Remus feeling a little naked and cold.
“Want to lay down?” Sirius asked a bit gravelly, as though all of the moaning and hollering had left him hoarse. It made Remus preen a bit, but he hid it and nodded, reaching for Sirius to help him up. His leg didn’t hurt as badly, but he knew all of the action would most certainly leave him sore in the morning.
They both re-adjusted themselves before choosing a low couch to lay upon. Remus thought they might lay across from one another, and simply laid down waiting for Sirius to go elsewhere, but Sirius surprised him by crawling over and positioning himself behind Remus to hold him. His arm was warm and soft under Remus’ hand, even through the bandaging. Remus loved the feeling of Sirius’ whole body stretched behind him from toe to head, a few inches longer than Remus and sturdy enough to hold him safely in the dimming light of the room. They were quietly lost in their own thoughts, both thinking about what to say next. It was Sirius who eventually broke the calm in a way only he could.
“Are you sure you’re a virgin?”
Remus’ whole body shook with laughter as he turned in Sirius’ arms to look at him. Sirius was full of mirth and a look that felt like awe while he smiled at Remus, skin still flushed as pink as the strawberry of his scent. Remus raised his slender fingers up to brush pieces of soft hair away from Sirius’ face. He delighted inside when Sirius nuzzled his hand and dropped a kiss to his palm.
“Some of us have active imaginations, Black,” Remus joked back.
“I’m not complaining,” Sirius smirked.
“Was that the first time you’ve done that, I mean done something with a bloke?” Remus asked after they were settled and inching toward sleep.
“Yes,” Sirius answered easily, although around a yawn. “I’ve done other things with girls, but always stopped at a point.”
“Hmm,” Remus hummed, still stroking the hair that fell over Sirius’s shoulder. “I’ve only kissed one bloke. I never really wanted to try more, I guess.”
“Did you like it?”
“Eh, he was alright I suppose,” Remus explained. “I didn’t really know him.”
“No, I mean what we did,” Sirius corrected, sounding shy and delightful to Remus. He liked shy Sirius, one of the sides he didn’t get to see often.
“I’m not stroking your ego after I just stroked you, Black,” Remus declared with mock seriousness. He squealed when Sirius pinched his side and nipped at his ear playfully.
“Well, it seemed like you enjoyed it, Lupin.”
Remus laughed sleepily, then turned over to settle back into the curve of Sirius’ body. When arms pulled him backwards and legs entwined with his own, Remus knew he was done for. He was willing his body to hang on a bit longer. He didn’t want the dream of the night to fade away too soon, for he had so much to commit to memory. Remus wanted to hold onto the way Sirius felt above him then, beside him now, how his voice pitched in pleasure, and dropped as they spoke playfully. He wanted to remember the magic of being held and loved by the one that he was part of as much as Sirius was part of him.
“I’m glad you love me, too,” Remus whispered. He half hoped Sirius was already asleep, that he could keep the thought to himself, despite his mutinous mouth.
“I’m glad you love me, too,” Sirius returned. “Luke was onto something with what he said to Lily.”
“What do you mean?” Remus yawned, fighting a losing battle with slumber.
“I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to keep up if you’ll let me, Remus.”
Remus turned his face into the fabric of the couch to hide the moisture dripping down his nose and clouding his sight. Sirius didn’t say anything more. Instead, he wrapped Remus up tighter, pulling him as close as possible without the two merging. He placed his palm on Remus’ chest to feel that steady heart beat and took solace in the feeling, praying it would never stop.
***
The creature hated the smell of the forest almost as much as the stench of the vermin they’d brought from the far north for the children to battle. It was all so beneath it, beneath what it had been before, when it was “he” and glittered like the dawn in armor and magic. It was a long, arduous, meaningless life without its normal form and its power that had been stripped away. All it had after the curse was a bloodlust and feathers and a twisted, crooked shape on land.
It stalked the edges of the forest waiting for the contact to emerge. The beast could taste their blood in his mind’s eye, how warm and delicious it would be, but it had to be patient. All good things came to those who waited.
Two cloaked figures, rather than the one he was anticipating, rushed from the castle with the information he needed.
“Werewolf,” they whispered.
“Two others with magical creature blood,” they shared nervously, avoiding its eyes.
Perfect, it thought. That would make him stronger. But they had to wait, and it was good at waiting.
***
Remus and Sirius spent the weekend wrapped up in each other talking and cuddling. As Monday dawned, Remus found himself constantly wanting to bury his face in Sirius’ chest, where his comforting scent was strongest. Sirius was more than happy to oblige, especially when it meant he could also drown his senses in Remus’ curly hair. When Remus let out a contented, delighted sniff, Sirius arched an eyebrow with a smile.
“What’s with all the sniffing, Lupin? Do I smell like a troll or something?”
Blushing, Remus shook his head with a self-deprecating chuckle.
“No, you prat. It’s the opposite. Everyone has a scent and yours is just…” he trailed off with a weak shrug, hoping Sirius wouldn’t rib him too much.
Sirius didn’t tease. Instead, he made Remus giddy when his scent brightened further and he wrapped his arms around Remus’ slim body even tighter.
“And what do I smell like? Don’t say something daft like roses, or sugar.”
Remus swatted Sirius’ chest playfully.
“No! You smell like…” he leaned back as far as Sirius would allow to sniff dramatically. Sirius laughed at that and shook his head, eyes impossibly soft and bright even in their dim room. “You smell like summer strawberries in the forest. There’s pine in there, and sometimes you smell like warm, fresh blankets.”
He hadn’t realized his eyes were closed until the soft kiss to his lips made them fly open in surprise.
“You’re a hopeless romantic, Remus Lupin,” Sirius muttered between pecks. He kissed tenderly from Remus’ lips to his cheeks, stopping at his ruffled hair to smell him.
“You have a scent to me, you know,” Sirius revealed.
“I do?” Remus couldn’t hide the shock and excitement he felt at the revelation, his voice pitching up and body going a bit taught. He hadn’t thought any creature other than a werewolf would be able to sense it.
“Mmhmm,” Sirius hummed. He began to slowly stroke Remus’ back up and down. His eyes took on a distant look, then sharpened. “It’s like… vetiver. I smelled a cologne with it once in Paris. There’s jasmine. Chocolate,” he laughed. “You smell like a nice afternoon. There’s paper as well, but that’s all of the studying with Evans I reckon.”
“True,” Remus laughed with a sigh. There were moments in Remus’ life that he knew were important as they happened; a word he’d held onto from his father at the back of his mind, fairy tales under heavy quilts with his mother during a booming thunderstorm. And the present moment, curled with the one he loved, discovering his own scent, joined the cauldron of his heart.
He burrowed closer into the cotton-soft flesh before him with a smile he couldn’t fight.
“Thank you,” Remus whispered.
“Thank you back,” Sirius offered with a squeeze and kiss. “Everyone is going to think we’ve pulled a runner if we don’t leave here,” Sirius mused.
“Hmph,” Remus huffed in answer. “There’s nothing out there we need. Just a little longer?”
He smiled to himself when he felt Sirius shake with quiet laughter.
“We have to at least show ourselves, our Lily will make good on her threats,” Sirius explained.
“What threats?” Remus asked as he pulled back to sit up and study Sirius. He was naked under the blanket and warm like fresh bread. Remus still wore his underwear and undershirt, a bit too shy to show off his collection of scars. He was thankful Sirius hadn’t commented on it.
“Oh, the usual for a sister,” Sirius smirked. In his best approximation of Lily’s voice he mimicked her, “Don’t hurt him Black, or I swear to the saints I’ll make you disappear. Azkaban is nothing like what I’ll cook up.”
Remus collapsed in a fit of giggles when Sirius pretended to flip his hair the way Lily did when she was finished laying into someone.
“I wouldn’t want to cross her either, Sirius. She’s powerful beyond measure and fierce,” Remus noted with pride.
“Then you understand my predicament,” Sirius stated as he reached out to rub Remus’ cheek. Remus noticed he didn’t like to go long without a touch, or kiss, or embrace, and felt warmed through with each one. He laid back down on Sirius’ chest with a sigh, too overcome with joy to be annoyed their retreat had to end.
“I understand. Can we come back tonight?”
“We have practice tonight, but maybe after?”
Remus nodded into Sirius’ strawberry-scented skin and took a breath he hoped was deep enough to power them through the day.
With herculean effort, he managed to disengage from his partner to get dressed and allow him the same. Then, after a final glance backwards, Remus allowed himself to be pulled back out into Hogwarts.
The halls were bustling and more than one student stopped to stare at them before quickly averting their eyes and rushing past.
“Did we miss something?” Remus muttered to Sirius, who could only offer a shrug.
They soon arrived at the Great Hall where the room, which had been buzzing, fell silent as a graveyard when the pair entered side by side. Remus caught sight of the Slytherin table throwing disgusted looks at him and then muttering Sirius’ name and the word “disgrace.”
Remus’ friends all looked stricken as well, with varying levels of apology and rage flitting through their scents even from the entryway. James, who sat in his usual place across from Lily, lifted a hand to wave them over, almost daring anyone to say anything.
Sirius motioned for Remus to go first, following him like a guard against the staring and whispering.
“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” Remus urged as he took his seat and made room for Sirius to sit beside him.
“You two made the paper,” Luke explained, leaning across Lily to hand them the day’s issue.
There, in bold, rippling letters, was a headline detailing a scandalous love affair between one Remus Lupin and Sirius Black of House Black. They were locked in an embrace, the very one that had spurred Remus on to face the bog. Below the picture was an insider description of the whole thing and a quote from Sirius’ father. Remus didn’t know cruelty like that existed in the world, but there it was plain as day:
“We have no son.”
Remus squeezed the paper between his hands in a flash, throwing the offending story and hateful words to the floor in a heap at their feet, but the damage was already done. Sirius had seen it. Before Remus could stop him, Sirius stood from the table and walked out of the hall with his head held high.
“Sirius?” Remus gasped out, but he was already too far away, or too hurt, to hear him.
“It’s alright, love,” Mary spoke from across the table between James and Estella.
“He’ll be better in time,” Estella offered. “We all survive being cast aside by House Black eventually.”
“Here, Moony. You need to eat something. Don’t mind the papers, yeah?” James slid over a plate, but Remus couldn’t look at it.
He didn’t want to eat, didn’t want anything but to go back to the room with Sirius.
Sirius didn’t show up for Defense, or Potions, and Remus felt like he wasn’t present either. Everyone was staring, even some professors, although he felt less judged by the adults.
They all stared. They all knew.
Remus thought, as the day came to a close and they made their way toward the quidditch pitch, that maybe not having to hide was better. He didn’t have to pretend not to be in love with Sirius, he could merely feel it and show it. Yet, when he remembered Sirius’ retreating form walking out of the hall, he felt his ribs constrict.
“Hello, Remus,” Cornelius spoke, jolting him out of his downtrodden thoughts as he so often did.
“Oh,” Remus cleared his throat and tried to look less devastated. “Hi. Did you have fun at the party?”
Cornelius smiled and nodded once, but his eyes were shrewd. Had they always been, Remus wondered? He knew Cornelius was disarmingly kind, but had overlooked how savvy he had to be to get so far. No use lying, he thought.
“I did enjoy myself, yes. I am sorry for what happened after, with the article. That was a shameful invasion.”
Remus might have scoffed at what felt like a woeful understatement, but it was true nonetheless.
He managed a soft “yeah,” before fiddling with the neck of his broom while the others readied for flying. He was startled when Cornelius laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed firmly.
“Maybe we can,” but Cornelius didn’t finish the statement. Sirius walked up the pitch from the clubhouse holding his own broom and was accompanied by Estella and Mary who both seemed to be encouraging, or perhaps scolding, him.
“Ah,” was all Cornelius managed when Remus was pulled toward Sirius again by that ring of gravity.
Estella took Mary’s hand when they noticed Remus approaching, stepping around him with a nod and went to the group to prepare.
“Hey,” Remus spoke first. “I’m sorry about the picture and everything. I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s not your fault, Remus.” The wall was back along with the mask and coldness Remus thought they’d moved beyond after everything. “We should practice.”
Remus couldn’t swallow around the lump in his throat, he couldn’t move. He was powerless to stop Sirius from stepping around him and toward the group. So,he took off without another word. He folded his slender body over his broom and kicked off. If he was going to cry, he would be damned if let everyone see and start fussing.
The wind felt cool and sobering upon his scarred face. It was a dramatic change from the burning that threatened to overtake him in the face of Sirius’ coldness. The sky was only just beginning its journey into night, still a deep cerulean that was cross-cut by golden orange rays and the sound of settling creatures. It was beautiful, almost as much as the night before had been.
“Hold onto it,” Remus willed himself. “It was real and it was good,” he repeated over and over as he made confident circles around the pitch.
The others joined him, but he didn’t speak, instead choosing to be alone with his thoughts. Nature, as always, had other plans.
A small bird came barreling out of the trees with a distressed shriek of pain that set Remus’ teeth on edge. He caught a glimpse of the bird just as it fell at the edge of the tree line and propelled himself in that direction, ignoring James’ voice warning him to be careful.
When Remus landed he sniffed the air until he caught the bird’s terrified scent. He carefully walked forward, taking note of each large branch and leaf, but finding nothing beneath. He was beginning to lose hope when he heard a faint chirp in the underbrush below the largest of the trees. He rushed over, then kneeled down beside the poor thing that was hidden beneath a pile of autumn leaves. It trembled and chirped, clearly afraid but too injured to do much more than allow itself to be picked up. Remus scooped it into his palms with care, taking note of its crooked wing and bloodied feathers.
“I remember you,” Remus cooed. “You saved Sirius from that monster during class, didn’t you?”
As if understanding, the little bird chirped and relaxed into Remus’ hands. It was small, almost too small, with black and grey feathers, a sharp beak, and piercing blue-grey eyes, almost as bright as Sirius’ own.
“It’s alright, little one. We’ll take care of you,” Remus declared.
He walked out of the woods toward where he’d left his broom to be confronted with James and Sirius looking into the treeline for him.
“I’m here,” he called, trying not to scare the bird any further.
The pair stalked over to Remus with wide eyes at the bird in his hands.
“I think it’s the same one that chased off that monster during class,” he explained.
“But it’s so small,” James whispered. He offered his finger to the bird and they all gasped when the creature merely nuzzled his finger like a pet. “I can take him to Hagrid for mending.”
“I don’t mind going, James,” Remus tried to argue but was promptly cut off.
“No, no, I’ll go. You two need to talk. I refuse to deal with moping Remus and surly Sirius. Makes me want to bash my own head in. Go, no need for practice tonight.”
“Yes, Mum,” Sirius grumbled, though Remus noted how Sirius looked at him nervously.
“Just be careful, Prongs. It smells a bit enchanted,” Remus warned.
Once James turned and made his way off toward Hagrid’s hut, Remus steeled himself for what had to happen next.
“Come on then,” Remus directed at Sirius and turned toward the school. He quickly explained the situation and encouraged everyone to head inside for the night, which none protested.
In no time at all, Remus found himself back where he’d wanted to be all day, only under very different circ*mstances. They stood apart, not in the Turkish souk, but in Sirius’ more understated sitting room with a roaring fireplace. It made Remus feel worse to not be able to touch him, but he knew James was right. They needed to talk.
“Do you regret what we did?” No point in mincing words, Remus thought. Best to get on with it and get on with life if need be. “If you do, we can pretend it didn’t happen.”
Sirius looked at him as if he’d been slapped. It wasn’t the look Remus expected if he were honest with himself. He was used to being let down. Why not accept another ending before he got well and fully broken?
“I don’t, Remus. I couldn’t regret it, no matter what happens next.”
Sirius was avoiding his eyes, surveying the room as though he didn’t recognize how he’d conjured it to look. His hands were pushed stubbornly into his trousers. Remus longed to pull them out, to kiss them again, to be near.
“Then why are you pushing me away? I don’t understand what’s going on, Sirius. You just left me.”
Remus didn’t like the needy edge he felt as he spoke, yet he couldn’t stop it. He’d waited too long, for years, and couldn’t hold back the emotion pouring out of him.
“Don’t, Remus,” Sirius warned with a bite that he hadn’t heard since the start of the year.
“No, don’t tell me what to do when you’re being a bloody wanker! Talk to me, Sirius.” Remus stood tall when he stepped into Sirius’ space, demanding to be seen and heard and told the truth. Sirius tried to step away, but Remus grabbed hold of his flying robes with surprising strength.
“I will never, ever, let go, Sirius. I won’t. So, be honest and tell me.” He hadn’t meant to let a growl color his words, but the wolf was clawing at him under his skin. It wanted Sirius as much as he did. They needed him.
“I can’t,” Sirius choked out the words, struggling against Remus’ grip and pulling them backwards toward the wall. He didn’t lift his hands to push Remus away. He couldn’t look at him.
“Can’t what, Sirius?” Remus snapped as he felt himself barreling past desperation toward anger.
“Leave it, Remus!” Sirius snapped, startling Remus, and, by the looks of it, himself.
Remus stopped his crowding once he caught the anguished look in Sirius’ eyes, the way they were ringed red and glittering with a pain he himself recognized. Sirius’ smell warned stay away. Hurt.
And there was a longing for something…
Remus sank into the emotion with startling clarity.He released Sirius with trembling fingers, his mouth dropped open, and he backed away slowly. He turned toward the fire, watching the dance of his own memories and pain there. His clothes felt too tight, the smells were all wrong. It was all, all of it, wrong.
“You know, I love my uncle Niall.” Remus chuckled, but it was a dark thing. Sirius didn’t speak, didn’t move from where Remus had left him not more than three feet away.
“I love my uncle, loved him all the way through everything he did. I told myself it was because we’re family, because when I look at him I see my father. But, I think I tried to love my uncle through the beatings, and words, and his bullsh*t, because I needed something to believe in. I needed to believe in my love for him so I could get through it.”
Remus sighed, rubbing a hand through his curls in frustration.
“They hurt you, and you want to hate them. Instead, you start hating yourself for wanting what doesn’t, what can’t exist. But…”
Remus turned back around to look at his partner, his Sirius who stood with haunted shadows creasing his features.
“Sirius… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry they hurt you. It’s ok if you still want their love. It’s ok,” Remus muttered. Sirius was shaking and a lone tear rolled down his alabaster cheek to the floor where it seeped into the wood beneath their feet.
“I can’t let you get hurt because of me.”
“The only thing that can hurt me is losing you, Sirius. You’re my light. My frustrating, handsome, brilliant light. I’ll never let you go without a fight.”
Sirius shook in place with his fists clenched at his sides, always ready for the next fight, always waiting for the other shoe to drop, Remus realized.
He swallowed down the bile of the thought with a whimper. He turned away again with a gasp and threw his hands over his mouth to keep it all in until Sirius left. Remus waited with bated breath to hear the sound of the door opening and closing, but it never came.
Arms wrapped around him instead. Lips touched the side of his face.
“You’re a stubborn, hopeless romantic Remus Lupin,” Sirius gasped in his ear. “I won’t let go without a fight either.”
Remus turned around so quickly to wrap his arms around Sirius that they both fell sideways into the waiting arms of a leather chair, sighing and gasping and crying together.
“Not without a fight,” Sirius declared despite his wounded heart.
A new sensation pulsated through Remus like the midnight whispering of a wave that pushed his magic out of his body into Sirius, where they mingled and glowed brighter than the fire warming them. Remus felt it shift and pull, push and break, sealing the promise within him.
